Monday, November 14, 2016

Trump Names Nuclear Energy Denier to Dismantle Strategic Deterrent

The security of the United States was dealt another blow today when President-elect Donald Trump named infamous nuclear-energy denier Myron Ebell to plan the Trump administration’s dismantlement of the strategic nuclear deterrent.

Ebell is not a scientist.  Despite his ignorance and shameless illogic, he has been a thorn in the side of physicists.  Ebell spreads propaganda questioning the overwhelming scientific consensus that nuclear fission and nuclear fusion are the basis for the technology of the A-bomb and the H-bomb.

“These are merely so-called nuclear weapons”, Ebell said in response to questions from the press.  “The scientific establishment has perpetrated a hoax on the American people that invisible things called nuclei are responsible for the big bangs made by our missiles and thingies.”

“We all know that coal, oil, and natural gas do a much better job of blowing things up.  We will build very big gas bombs and Melania will release them after a White House dinner.”   Ebell denied any ties to the coal, oil, and natural gas industries.

Ebell also scoffed at reporters’ references to the work of Einstein and Fermi.  “You’re talking about wetback foreigners”, he sneered.  “Einstein and Fermi will be among the first three million rounded up by the Deportation Police”.

“Besides, isn’t Einstein the dog in Back to the Future?”  Ebell seemed disoriented as he sneered “What kind of animal is a Furby, anyway?"  The interview ended when Ebell humiliated himself by peeing his pants and throwing a tantrum, screaming “You’re trying to confuse me with facts!”